Tuesday, January 4, 2011

a heavy thought, then a random thought

I watched a preview for a new show starting on A & E called Heavy, and when I saw one of the fattest men I've seen yell "leave me alone" to one of the trainers, I was almost brought to tears. We were watching Hoarders, which we usually laugh at, but sometimes, its not even funny. How I can sit through these shows that are showing such human suffering eludes me. But I keep watching. There is something very wrong with this world. And there are a lot of people out there in real pain. All sorts of people, all sorts of pain. And although I'm not a religious person, barely even spiritual, I'm fairly certain we aren't on this planet to live like "this". So that's my deep thought of the New Year. No solution, just a deep thought. Here's another deep thought:

"If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY" (by Jack Handey)

That being said, my only New Years resolution is to find some personal happiness again. Sydnerella's been doing great on her prozac (since the day I busted her door off the hinges ... rawr), but I'm carrying some messiness in my mind from the last 32 years of life and some aches in my heart from the last 5 months, and I'd like to get a move on ...

And I'm going to start by telling you that I just brushed my bangs away from my cheek to behind my ear and a piece of rice fell out. And on Boxing Day, as I was brushing my hair, I came across some turkey stuffing from Christmas Day dinner. I think it's time I took a good look at my self in the mirror.

I spent the most magical eleven days on my couch and today, I am back to work. I can just imagine how many pounds I gained by eating for sometimes eight consecutive hours with little activity to balance it out. Little being the short walks to and from the fridge, stove, & garage, and a long walk around the castle in the mountains. Oh, and some Christmas Day sex. But honestly, there was little activity there too because, really, I don't need to do the work anymore. I pay for dinner, he gives me really good sex once every month or so ... And who's the whore? This cage dancer? Perhaps ....

Happy New Years


  1. I had a similar realization; that there are some screwed up people in this world. Doing Social work again, I hear CRAZY stories on a daily basis whcih I will beging to post on my blog. The world is a strange place.

  2. Yep, some pretty heavy thoughts there chica...

    Oscar Wilde once said "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

    I think that the answer must lie somewhere in the middle of that. And from what I get from your writing, you already understand this.
    Because I hear the core of a Leo Tolstoy quote in what you are saying...

    "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

    Hang in there girl, I believe 2011 will be a better year for you...:o)

    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. 2011 is gonna rock for you, I just know it, even if it's only rocking the few nights we spend together in the summer, that should sustain you for the entire year!

  4. Hi! Just want to let you know that I awarded you a "stylish Blogger" award on my post tonight. I love reading your blog and wanted to share it on my post.
    Bye! Rach