Tuesday, December 8, 2009

the K-Mart story

Bet you were all wondering if I'd ever be back, if I fell off the face of the earth, if I blew my knee out at soccer (well ... that wouldn't prevent me from typing really now would it?) The truth is my home computer has been munched on by a virus .... nom non nom ..... and my work computer, although in perfect condition with my 2 screens has been busy .... working. I'm telling ya, lovin your job and wanting to impress for year end is exhausting. And I figured since I was knocked out of poker on the 3rd hand today at lunch (seriously, with my 2 pair I thought the large balding gambling addict was bluffing when he called me all-in .... he was not bluffing with his flopped straight) so I came back to my office with my tail between my legs and that's when I remembered you all and my blog .... so here I am, back on True Story Tuesday with a follow up to a comment left last time wondering about the K-Mart story. So here it is ... the K-Mart story (don't forget to click on the pic with the 4 ladies gossiping below and read more stories) .....

I was 8. Wacky was 8. Silly Sally was 6. Wacky lived a block from K-Mart, which was located in a little mall across the parking lot of the church. I don't know if it was because times were different back then, or if it was because our parents drank, but it was completely appropriate for 2 8 year olds and a 6 year old to hang out at a mall without supervision ... just setting the stage there, not trying to offend parents who drink because I'm actually a fan of parents who drink and often drink myself .... so we were off to spend a usual afternoon at the mall "looking around". On our way to the mall, I should add, while we passed the church, we thought we should dip our hands in holy water to help accomplish the task we had at hand, to successfully complete the plan we had set in motion earlier that day ... holy water of course being the cold rain water that was dripping off the outside roof as we walked past. And in order for the holy water to work, we had to let it air dry as we walked to the mall ........ laugh all you want, remember ... we were EIGHT! Now, how many of you remember Oodles? These are Oodles and they were quite popular back then ....

The plan we devised that day before we left the house was to 'acquire' some Oodles. Not having any money of our own, I can imagine you know where I'm going with this ... Yes, we decided that we were going to acquire these by way of the 5 finger discount. So, there we were, in the middle of the toy isle in the K-Mart, blessed by God himself with holy water (again this may have been because our parents drank that we thought God helped thieves ...), and we were going in for the kill. We chose the Oodle we wanted the most and headed for the public washroom. Once inside, we tore open the packages, left them in the trash, pocketed the Oodles, and made our exit. We made it through the store and out the doors. Safe. We made it down the mall. Safe. We almost made it to the parking lot. Not safe. We were approached by security and escorted back to the K-Mart, into the office, and were made to empty our pockets. We were devastated, terrified, thought we'd be put to death ... well, I honestly can't recall the details, but knowing Silly Sally and Wacky, it probably went a little like this .... me crying silently in the corner with my head down, Wacky screaming in hysterics for security to get their hands off her and her Oodles, and Silly Sally running around a table laughing her 6 year old little ass off at everyone in the room. Our parents arrived after what seemed like hours, rescuing us from the wrath of the K-Mart rent-a-cops, making us do the walk of shame down the mall and all the way home. As vaguely as I remember the details, one thing I remember distinctly, is Wacky whispering to me as we walked past the church that the holy water couldn't have been holy because it didn't help us at all with our mission. 


  1. hahhhhhaaaaaaaaaa that is soooo funny...
    stinkin' holy water! :)

  2. BAWAhahahahahaha! Are you kidding me? What is it with the holy water dripping out of the rain gutter? Isn't it straight from God himself? hahahaha

    And this line, "not trying to offend parents who drink because I'm actually a fan of parents who drink and often drink myself" CRACKED ME UP!

  3. Hey!!! It was me who asked for the story and you came through!!! That was stinkin' hilarious! I mean, how'd you get caught? And yup... times were different then, weren't they??

  4. That is hilarious! I love that you remember how your 8 year old mind worked at the time. Great story.

  5. Holy water doesn't work on holy terrors!!
    And just for the record, you weren't ALLOWED at the mall, you were supposed to be at the park, which in those days was totally acceptable to allow your kids to be down the street playing.
    You should be happy there were drinks flowing that evening, or I couln't have justified making you girls strawberry shortcakes, for a treat!!
    OMG Stac....break the cycle, stop drinking. lmao.

  6. OMG -- can't catch my breath laughing so hard. I just hope next time I go to Mass I don't get the Holy Water giggles!

  7. Have to say I laughed my ass off at this one. While I drank wine. With hands wet from Holy water that fell off *my* roof...my new and improved husband was once a Pastor so that should count, right?