Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Left on the couch ... lonely and with a sore ass

Quite literally. I was left on what's normally my favorite place to be, where I do nothing but enjoy Stacy-time, Sunday night at about 6pm. A day after T-Bone emptied my house of most of his stuff. And right after telling me that our impossible relationship of two probably broken people that may or may not have had any business being together from the beginning shouldn't continue.

Because I'm not in the mood to defend him on blogger, and partly because it wouldn't be fair to air his personal issues to strangers, I will say very little about the reasons for now. But I will say that he's not a bad person and I don't regret a second of the past three years. I agreed with everything he said to me. Mostly. And I will say that over-all, it's fairly mutual. We aren't fighting, he didn't cheat, he doesn't want to be with someone else, and we do love each other ... But as most of you will agree, sometimes love isn't enough. And it's ironic now that up until a few days ago, when people asked what we were even doing together this long if not planning our wedding, or at the very least living together, we'd both confidently reply "If it's not broke, don't fix it!" And although we have no intention of leaving each others lives completely, something is broken and I don't know if there's a way to fix it.

The last 48 hours of my life has been awful to put it simply. I've shed many o tears - not gonna lie. And because I've been battling a sinus infection or some shit for almost two weeks, I've blown out and coughed up litres of snot. I'm running off very little sleep, none of which I've had in my bed ... call me sappy, crazy, whatever, but I can usually only sleep comfortably in my bed when T-Bone's in it. Everything I've eaten since Sunday has come out almost immediately, and quite abrubtly I should add. My eyes are sore, my nose is sore, my head is sore, my ass is sore. I havent been at work since Friday and I'm now on beta-fish death watch because the little fucker just jumped out of his tank.

Today was better than yesterday though and I even brushed my teeth. I finally hit up my doctor for some antibiotics, then returned $123 worth of shirts that neither my daughter or I chose to wear to the wedding we attended on Saturday. The same wedding I fear initiated the demise of this complicated relationship that Travis and I were trying so hard to prove would work.


  1. I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish there were magic words I could type that would make everything all better. Hang in there girl.

  2. I'm sorry, too.

    Maybe the crying will flush the sinus infection out? Just trying to find the silver lining.

    As soon as I can find my magic wand, I'll wave it for you :)

  3. I am soo sad for you...Sometimes life throws things that really can't be explained...I'm here for you!

  4. Stay positive and don't let the world make you bitter. Oh, and drink lots of wine.

  5. I am sorry to hear that! I know how it feels though. Keep you head up.

  6. :( sorry to hear ya got it rough right now. Chin up and like Israel said above, lots of wine.... or vodka.... whatever you prefer :)

  7. I'm sorry that your heart is hurting. If I were there, I would hug you, bake you brownies, buy you lots of chips, and sleep with you as many nights as you wanted me too.

    Since I'm not there, I'm hugging you in my heart and I hope you can feel my hugs all the way from Texas.

  8. Sinuses suck...they do evil, evil things to you...just got back from the ENT myself!

    hope you are feeling better

  9. Hey cutie... I am so sorry to read this... Unfortunately, you are right about sometimes love just not being enough. Relationships are difficult... they just are...

    I wish I could write something that would help you to feel better...



  10. Sometimes there just are no words....

    And time, that is supposed to heal all wounds, just doesn't move fast enough.....

    "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
    Henry Ellis

    Hope it gets better for you every day :o)

  11. Aw, man! It sucks when this happens. It will get better every day. And I don't know if you already know this, but the universe is unfolding as it should. Right now. So, you're gonna have amazing things coming your way very soon. So sorry it has to hurt like this for now though. Hang in there.

  12. Stacy...I love you! I'm sorry you are having a fuckshit of a time right now and I'm even more sorry that I'm way the fuck down here in Texas and can't get to you! Please know that in my heart, I'm holding your hand and giving you beer, shooters, and chips til your heart is full and happy again. My heart is broken for you, broken and while I know there are no words to offer you comfort in your time of need right now, I'm trying, I'm fucking trying!!!

    Love, Aunt Crazy

  13. Hey girl, I've visited a few times before... Aunt Crazy sent me over this time. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Totally sucks. :( Hang in there.

  14. here via aunt crazy...

    pretty much she threatened us to visit, fyi.

    what REALLY caught my eye was that you were so far away from her (in texas) because you live in canada.

    this sucks.

    for her.

    because *i* live kinda close to you...ha.

    so if you really really REALLY need a hug from her? i selflessly volunteer to be a surrogate.

    but only if she pays me in brownies. (i'll share them with you, it's okay)

    seriously, though? i've been there, and i'm sending virtual happy thoughts your way.

    <3 andrea

  15. Stopping by from Aunt Crazies, I hope you get to feeling better soon. Sorry to hear you're going through so much all at once!!

  16. Awww honey. I know you don't know me but your ultimate honesty is something I completely understand. I've been there recently and IT. SUCKS.
    It gets better though - I promise. It will suck for a while but it WILL get better.
    Hang in there.
    I hope you feel better physically but also emotionally.

  17. Stacy - you're fabulous and you've got a fabulous friend in Aunt Crazy. She can make the brownies, I'll make the oatmeal-raisin chocolate chip cookies and we'll stuff ourselves 'til we're sick. Or puking from the beer and shooters she keeps talking about :)

    Still looking for my magic wand...

  18. Aunt Crazy sent me. I don't even know what to say. What you're going through sucks the big one. I hope your sinus situation gets better soon. As far as your personal relationship, I'm a big believer that sometimes you just have to let them go. Then you just have to wait it out until you feel better. Or in Texas, sometimes we just hunt 'em down and then help our friends hide the bodies. Whatever works!

  19. Thanks y'all for showing my friend some love! There is so much more going on that just what is in this one blog post, but it's not mine to share, however, I truly appreciate each and every one of you coming here and supporting my friend!

  20. I'm so mad that I can't read my blogs at work like I used to because I sure as hell would have been by here a lot sooner than now. I'm so sorry your having to go through all this painful crapy and I know there's no word, or sentence for that matter, than can take away your pain. All we can do is send you lots and lots of positive energy & thoughts as well as tons of interweb hugs & love and hope you feel how much people care.
    Hang in there darlin'!