Friday, September 10, 2010

random thoughts

Because I can't think of enough crap to make regular blog posts lately, I'll keep it as a work in progress until I am ready. Just some random shit that could probably be summarized and tweeted about, but I have no followers. I'm not witty enough or can't make the funny shit I see sound funny quickly, and the last 18 days worth of tweets are enough to make me wanna slash my wrists, or better yet, the wrists of someone I really really dislike.

A female co-worker came into my office with a bottle of juice, she's my age and about half my body-mass, and asked me to open her bottle for her, and she passes two men on her way to mine (flattered?). This is the same co-worker who came into my office a while back and asked if I could go show her where the power button on her computer was....

I just got an e-mail from a partner confirming a cheque swap. We are meeting in my usual place for cheque swaps with partners ... Tim Hortons. Because I've never met these people, we always e-mail a quick description of what we are wearing so we aren't going up to random people demanding cash. Mr. Ma, who I am on my way to meet now, tells me he is wearing a stripeS shirt and has black/brown short hairS. (Just a few short hairs?)

One of my favorite bloggers has been blog-jacked, as well as what looks like several others. It's so bizarre, you just have to read it for yourself to believe it, and to get a good laugh really. The blog-jacked is Aunt Becky and I'm linking you to her post about it so you can also go to the blog-jacker and see if you want, really will make you feel better about yourself if you've ever questioned your own sanity. You know you are crazy when ....

My daughter has multiple personality disorder. There is "Sydney" and then there is "Sydney". The first Sydney has an almost angelic voice with a sweet look on her face and a fabulous sense of humour. The second Sydney has a scary monster voice and looks as if she wants to rip the heads of kittens. I am choosing to believe that Sweet Sydney is my daughter, and Scary Sydney is her alter, but who knows ....

There is a lady (and I'm using that term loosely) in my office who enjoys pooping. I know how odd and random that must sound, but imagine what was going through my mind the first time I heard her in the stall directly beside me making erotic noises with each push. If I didn't hear the result hitting the water, I would have fully believed she was gettin herself off in there. I know, I'm sorry ... she's yucky and I have a hard time looking at her.

My mom's out of the hospital after 10 days. She does have emphysema, but did not require an oxygen tank. She's to pop a handful of pills a day, puff on a few inhalers, and she's good to go. Mr. Sister says she'll be hiking in no time. My hope is that she can just manage to walk around Wal-Mart at a normal persons pace. I have smoked roughly 378 packs of cigarettes since August 22. I know I have to quit, but I am terrified of the outcome. Let's see.... This ....

or this ...

Speaking of which, I've been watching a friend shed her chub since her break-up. I'm fat (not epic fat or anything, don't worry yet ..) and bloaty and need new clothes. I'm on my couch all the time, and I have a beer with clamato juice and chips every night before I fall asleep. I even sleep on my couch. I haven't slept in my bed in weeks, T-Bone's housecoat is still where he left it on his side of the bed the last time he took a shower at my house (if you're judging me, please fuck off just a little bit). I don't know what my kid thinks about this, but my cat is thrilled. She can get her face right up to mine while whining for me to let her out to pee at 4am. I love her.

My daughter tries to forbid me to wear my new skinny jeans. Of course, I don't call them skinnies. I call them my new pair of jeans that I scored for $25 that almost completely hides my muffin top (die muffin top bitch). She tells me I'm too old to wear them! The fuck?! Now I do understand that kids generally think their parents just old farts, but I'm 31 for fucksakes. I am this close <-----> to borrowing her Mariana's Trench t-shirt, throwing on her big clunky DC skate shoes, and meeting her at her locker after school with my bangs hanging in my face ... I bet her friends would think I'm hip. No? 

Survivor starts in less than a week. Yay, more couch time. I'm usually excited to join my office Survivor pool, but am feeling a little hesitant to join this time. The big hyper guy at work that organizes it is a sucker for the spoilers. No not only does he calculate everyones points, he also has an idea beforehand how the show will go. He usually wins his own pool. I've come in second place once, but I would rather not even have the chance to win at all if it means I have to listen to his spoilers. I'm a die-hard fan, hard core. I almost cut a bitch last season when she posted the winner on her facebook before I had watched the show.


  1. LOL, loved this post...

    Well the funny parts anyway!!!

    hate the rotten sh@t that goes with the randomness..

  2. You are super funny and insightful. You should post more often

  3. That bit about skinny jeans makes me laugh. My daughter actually insisted that I HAD to wear skinny jeans because those baggy jeans were just too... baggy.