Monday, November 9, 2009

I punched myself in the face

I came into work today limping .... on both legs! My upper right thigh has a bruise ... an inside bruise I guess because I can't see it, but it hurts like a bitch. And the arch of my left foot feels like my foot was bent upwards while someone banged an itty bitty hammer on it. This was the work of the roughest soccer game I've played in. My thigh started throbbing after I was knocked to the ground, right onto the ground, by some little gorilla with a leg brace who proceeded to shove me in the back everytime she got behind me. Wtf is that? If the ball came my way while she was behaving like a little child waiting for the candy store doors to open I would have been knocked down again, and I know this was her intent, but why? We aren't training for the olympics out there. I had to come off the field a little later on in the game because I took a ball in the face, yep, right in my mouth. I made sure all my teeth were still in my head and went back out to play. Hesitantly. Minutes later, I punched myself in the face, which actually hurt a lot more than when I took the ball in the mouth. You read that right, I punched myself in the face! Not because I was trying a new strategy on the field by showing the other team they better give me the damn ball or I'll go mental, I punched myself in the face because I was slammed against the boards while my hands were up and my face was in the way. This left a mark on my lip where my teeth almost went through. After the birds stopping circling my head , I left the field  again to make sure I still had all my teeth. I can't even tell you how I hurt the arch of my foot though, probably from running for my life away from the little gorilla in the leg brace. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but she had horns hidden under her head band and steam coming out of her nostrils. She took out a few more of our players, and she wasn't just going after the women, she took out some of the guys too. That little gorilla needs anger management, or a hug, haven't decided. She acted like they haven't won a game this season ... oh right, they haven't won a game yet, and as if we were about to award them with that privledge after the way they were barelling over us, and through us. Bitches. So we took them down. Not down in the same way I was taken down, even though I did go up against a little fruitcake in a bandana with tattoos up his arms and ran off with the ball while he picked himself up off the field and asked if I was ok ... (that's right! I did it!), we took them down by winning 5-4. Later last night I talked a bit to Sydnerella about getting shoved around or knocked down and she looked at my like I was nuts (it's soccer, mom, duh), which I guess I was nuts for asking. I do watch her on the field from the bench, pretty intently too, and I've never seen her shoved down (tripped maybe, but never shoved). But I guess it's because, unlike me, she's solid. About 5'4" and probably 125lbs. Not fat, solid. The little midgets on the field bounce off her when they come in contact. If she was playing football with these same kids, she'd be the one carrying the ball into her end zone for a touch down while the entire opposing team is hanging off her trying with all their might to take her down. Solid. Sydnerella laughed at me while I limped away, again checking to make sure none of my teeth were loose. So I spent last night babying my shin, arch, and thigh, and plotting my revenge. I have to get more aggressive out there appearantly, and it was suggested to me that I not punch myeslf in the face next game. Got that, thanks!

6 comments:

  1. I told you excercise is bad for your health AND that being skinny is overrated! Your injuries are precisely why I have decided to embrace my fatness!

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  2. It doesn't sound like indoor soccer is a sport for me...so I'll sit in the bleachers and watch the tv's hanging down in front of me that actually block the view of my child playing while sipping on a beer ;) that way no one gets hurt !!! lol

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  3. I realize I'm laughing at your expense, but that was one hilarious post. The "little gorilla" stuff had me cracking up.

    I hope you're feeling better soon!

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  4. Try an epsom salt bath. That might help with some of those bruises too.

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  5. Aunt Crazy's comment cracks me up. Bawahahahaha! I totally concur with everything she says and steal it as my comment too. Um, yeah. I'm allowed to do that, right?!

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  6. holy smokes... that sounds PAINFUL! and I couldn't even make it through a full kickboxing video without injuring myself. no way I'd subject myself to those violent female athletes! wow--- hope you heal fast!

    (and of COURSE - we love two stories for TST - thanks!)

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