Wednesday, April 13, 2011

shut up stupid face

T-Bone said we're back together. Not after he came grovelling at my feet begging for forgiveness, just after he simply decided that we were. I admit, it was hard to let go of him when all sorts of bad was happening and I felt like I needed him, but I was not expecting him to call me his girlfriend recently. Sure I was naked in his bed at the time, but that doesn't mean relationship. I thought this had shrunk into a booty call / friend type thing (if there's such a thing), not grown back into a relationship. I thought maybe it was my nakedness that made him call me his girlfriend, but then called me Auntie Stacy to his little niece in front of his family a few weeks later and I can assure you I wasn't naked then. What. The. Fuck.

Since just after Christmas, he'd been acting all boyfriendy again. When I asked him why he called me his girlfriend, he said "shut up stupid face" (seriously) and kept doing the boyfriend type crap ... well, everything T-Bone ... not normal boyfriend crap. I told him one day a few weeks ago that if he wants to be my boyfriend, just show me. Maybe tell me he can't live without me (gag) and that breaking up with me was a mistake. Try something, man, really. He mock pouted for an hour and said he didn't like my ultimatum. So I drove him home. I went back over a few hours later though because we had plans that neither one of us wanted to break (part 1 - poker and beer. part 2 - sexy time). We laughed it all off because that's what we do best. I know laughing wont get us much further, but I have a feeling he'll be the next one to get hurt. I think. If he has feelings. One thing I notice about myself is within all my mental poop, I seem to be able to turn my feelings off and on when I'm on defense. My emotional involvement with most people is very low. I have actually been told in the past that I don't even have a heart. It was kinda in a joking way, and I know I do have a heart - duh - but I'm fairly certain it doesn't work the same way as everyone elses. I don't hate too many people, even though I say I do daily. I can genuinely love someone while not being able to tolerate them. And of course, I separate sex from relationships (whore! remember). I've never had any true enemies, but I also don't know if I've had any true loves. So I guess I've always just taken the good with the bad when it comes to having a dysfunctional heart. Anyway, I thought I'd spare T-Bone the relationship talk. Again. But when he read a message I had sent to Aunt Crazy the other day, he got all pansy again and that's when I get pissed. It's like talking to a deaf-mute toddler doped up on benadryl. So ... commence relationship talk. Again. Then he snaps "look, I'm not getting married!" (a repetitive comment he tends to make to get change the subject when he's uncomfortable) Well, fuck, I guess! I hadn't even mentioned marriage AND I kinda figured since, um, HE BROKE UP WITH ME! He thinks it should be as easy as knowing we love each other and should just enjoy what we have in the moment. Sure, in the perfect little world he's created in his dim mind maybe.What-the-f-ever. I still don't know what I'm going to do (except maybe find someone random to sleep with), but I thought I'd blog about what I can make sense of this since he specifically told me not to talk to anyone about our relationship because it's none of their business. Or because he knows he's the stupid face and doesn't want people to shit on him? Well, since he also doesn't seem to want it to be MY business either, I thought I'd share it with the world. Or all 64 followers I have.


  1. Wish you would pick me to be the random one to sleep with...

  2. I know it's not fair that I am in TX and you are way up there where I can not treat you right. You deserve so much better.

  3. you deserve WAY, WAY, WAY much better!

    t-bone is being stupid. And he made a stupid mistake, and if he can't man up to that, well, fuck him! (not literally!)

    I hope you can find someone else Stacy that deserves you. That you love and will treat you right!

  4. Miss reading your words ~ hope all is well in your world.