Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Parental abuse, bumble bees, and renewing my drivers license

My morning started at 4:30am! The window in the computer room stays open most nights in the spring. A nice breeze comes in and Rusty sits there all night I'm positive. At 4:30am today however, I was rethinking this allowance for my cat. I was rudely awoken by two neighborhood cats partaking in Wrestlemania 300. This had my cat running through the house with her tail puffed snarling and grunting, trying to bust out the window. I don't know if my neighbors saw or heard me running through the yard pssst-ing, but I was not impressed. I went back to sleep, but my Spring-filled morning didn't end there. I was almost attacked by what I thought was a mini-mouse just as my foot was coming down on it in my basement. I had 1 millisecond to rethink that step and it almost sent me on my ass. I got closer to this ball of fur that was waddling on the floor and it wasn't a mini-mouse. It was a fucking bee. A big ass fuzzy bumble bee. I don't want to start complaining about Spring so early, but my gawd! Professional fighter cats, steroid addicted bees, not to mention the 50 worms that committed suicide in my garage from last weeks flood like rain. Maybe Summer is better than Spring.

Now to what I had started typing up the other day .... There's a happiness we can all feel in the city now that the sun is out and the snow is really gone. And I've had some really good days lately. Not for any particular reason. It must be the sunshine. Sunday started with cuddles from Rusty, a cigarette, and A&W breakfast with coffee .... (ps A&W coffee is NOT good). Sydnerella had a two hour soccer practice and I had to get my drivers license renewed. Actually, it was supposed to be renewed on my birthday, but since it was supposed to be the end of the world, I figured I didn't need to renew shit. Just like that Camping lunatic, I was wrong. So I headed to the registry to pay a bunch of fines that had turned into convictions because that would have really sucked to get arrested over parking fines. It would have been worse if I crashed the car last week when Sydnerella was punching me repeatedly to get the color right of the bunch buggy we saw, THEN arrested. We were both in our pajamas, which she thought would have been hilarious until I told her not to laugh, she'd be in foster care. She looked down at her pajama shorts with hearts on them and apologized for the punching me. What I should have done to get back at her is put that damn bee in her room when I left for work this morning. Anyway, this years renewal wasn't just the "pay the bullshit renewal fee and wait for a new license to come in the mail" ... It had been a really long time since my picture and other information had been updated. I had some work to do. The first step was to get my eyebrows done, where I almost punched the bitch again for asking if I wanted my upper-lip done ... No, whore, I don't. I had to wait an hour for the swelling and redness to disappear, and I had to do my hair. When I was feeling like I looked a little more decent than on a regular day, I headed over to get my picture snapped. I even applied some coloured shit to my lips so it might look like I have some in my pic. It did alright ... similar to what I look like after I eat spaghetti. Between that and the scowl I must just always carry around because my passport photo looked the same ("Hey, I'm going to fucking Disneyland ... gggrrrrrr"), I made them take another picture. I didn't look as miserable, but my lips were still clown-ish. The registry lady assured me it didn't matter because the pics are in black and white anyway. We'll see. I also had to update my weight. Bitch. I guess I wasn't fooling anyone using the same info from my learners permit I got when I was 15 years old. Oh to be 110lbs again. According to my new drivers license, I'm still about 20lbs lighter. It's the ass, really, it's not ME. But the scariest shit that took place at the registry was picking up the book for Sydnerella to study for her learners permit. This disturbed me for two reasons. 1. I can't be old enough to have a kid who can drive! And 2. I saw a sign that said this: The knowledge test* is available in 9 languages in addition to English. Fucking really!? It is my opinion that people should know how to read English to get a drivers license here. Just me? Anyway, I can't wait for the day Sydnerella's driving and we pass a punch buggy. She'll get hers.

1 comment:

  1. You know, Stacy, you crack me the fuck up. You're just what I needed today :)