Tuesday, June 8, 2010

bad car luck? or a rip-off mechanic in my past life?

Well, I've been a bad blogger lately, haven't blogged enough or something because I lost a follower, so I better get something blogged for True Store Tuesday since I haven't been able to come up with anything to write about for awhile. So here's the story of my life as a driver. Click on the button here to read more stories or to play along.

I wonder if I'm so nonchalant about all this because I'm sitting on the verge of a mental breakdown (like I'm in the eye of the storm) where I may leave my car in the middle of the Deerfoot and run down the line of backed up traffic over the Ogden bridge with my club smashing the tail lights out of every car I pass .... What? Like you've never thought of doing that ....

It was the summer of 1997 when I got my drivers license. Sydnerella was just a few months old. I had a Canada Savings Bond to cash in a few months before that, but because I was raised in a family with no money, I had no clue what a few thousand dollars would have done at that stage of my life. And nobody to give me suggestions. Or good suggestions anyway. I decided that a $250 1982 white Chrysler LeBaron was good enough for me. And my brand new baby girl. It had a caved in driver side door and a hole in the passenger floor. Which was actually pretty handy for those times the car wouldn't move and the passenger could just put their foot through the hole and help it along. My Dad sold me the car. My Dad, who my mom left with a big house, a motor home, a few Cadillacs, the autobody shop, and all the money. Yes, you heard that right ... not only did he feel this car was safe or decent enough for his daughter and grandbaby, he took $250 from me for it ... (give you a better idea of why I drink and say FUCK so much? ....)

Thankfully, the carburetor went on the car before Sydnerella's first Christmas so I didn't have to endure it through the remainder of her first winter. I replaced that hunk o junk with a 1989 Ford Tempo. The odometer read 899,000km. It lasted 6 months ... didn't seem to like it when I took it to the mountains in Kanaskis without putting oil in it! My bad, I get that ....

So I had the two said cars parked behind my moms house as she cursed me, my dad, all men, et cetera ... and I traded them in for a 1980-ish Mercury Grand Marquis ... and grand it was .... not in a good way I can assure you, see ...
I named him THE BEAST. I was 19 years old. The first sign that The Beast wasn't any better than my first two was when it stalled in the middle lane of the Deerfoot in morning rush hour traffic and semi's were flying by ... my 1 year old was strapped in the back. I took a ride with a stranger after he pushed The Beast on to the side of the Deerfoot, but at that point, he was the safer bet than sitting in the car waiting for a tow-truck. A when I say Deerfoot, I mean Calgary's version of 405 in LA. And I didn't own a cell phone back then ... poor as dirt remember. I put the few dollars into giving the The Beast a new cyllenoid and it ran pretty good. Until December 23, 1998. I had loaded the car up with our Christmas stuff and a weeks worth of clothes to go spend the holidays at my Moms. Just as I was pulling away from the house ... the fucking transmission went. There I was, doing the equivalent to 18 miles per hour the rest of the way from the daycare. I booted it to and from work on the busses and trains with my toddler every day for the next 18 months. One particularly memorable bus ride home, strangers went scrambling through their grocery bags offering cookies, candy, snacks, whatever because I forgot to grab change that morning and couldn't buy Sydnerella the twenty-five cent sucker she got every damn day at the train station for the ride home just so I could ride in peace and she WANTED A SUCKER DAMMIT (picture a red-faced three old with crazy curly hair screaming bloody murder while I sat there close to tears because my day started 12 hours prior and there was no end in sight) ... And another memorable ride was when she spit at me. Oh and yet another when she stuck her finger up my nose and made it bleed .... Did I ever mention that I have never been in therapy?? As rough as those 18 months were without a vehicle, there was some good to them ... like not dealing with piece of shit car crap.

In May 2000, I bought a 10 year old Hyundai Sonata from a real car dealership. I paid a few thousand dollars cash and was happy with my nice looking Sonata. I felt like a high roller. In December 2000 and just past the warranty date, it was in the shop with transmission problems and that's where it stayed until after Christmas and until I could afford the $1300 bill. I put around $5000 more into the car over the next few years (mostly in transmission fluid) and finally ....

..... finally, in 2004, I bought the newest vehicle I have ever owned. A 2000 ruby-red Saturn SL2. Air conditioning, remote start, CD player, very low mileage, and uber-extreme maximum bumper to bumper out the ass extended warranty (that ended up covering the cost of a $700 repair on the Saturn before Christmas 2004). Take that car repair mo-fos! 

I loved Ruby .... see Ruby ... not my Ruby, but still what my Ruby looked like ...
I paid Ruby off in 2006 and in October 2007, she was laid to rest. Written off by a bitch in a brand new Grand Prix. And my brother-in-laws hitch ... But he's family, he was forgiven. I will never forgive the bitch in the Grand Prix. Neither will Sydnerella. She was a little excited at the time to see the inside of an ambulance after she realized she had not gone through the windshield, not so excited to see the girly teen magazine she was reading when we were hit in a pool of her slurpee on the floor of poor crippled Ruby.

Enter the Civic. A 2000 two door coupe that everyone told me would run forever. Best car on the road. A quick wheel n deal with the slimy car salesman to get rid of the cheap tint and big fat tail pipe and the Civic was mine. Until, of course, March 2008 when some little punk fuckers decided to take my Civic from the parking lot behind my office for a joyride. The Civic was on the loose. My insurance company paid for the rental of a brand-pimpin-new PT Cruiser, and me & Sydnerella were stylin .... until, of course, a back window was smashed out and my new CDs and sunglasses stolen. I only wish I was making some of this up just for an excuse to blog. Then we got to kick it high class in a brand new Mazda 6. I loved that Mazda 6 ... that sweet sweet Mazda 6. I loved it about as much as some other punk and when they tried to steal it, leaving the drivers side door caved in from the attempt, I was ready to check myself into the psych ward. Two months after the Civic was stolen, I got him back with an even better stereo and bumper than before. It still has the stereo, but in following with tradition, it's bumper was lost to a snow bank in December 2009. The transmission is now going in a most embarrassing fashion. Sometimes, I get up to speed on the highways, sometimes I don't. It's too small. Doesn't have enough doors. And is going to fail me whether I fix the damn transmission or not. Because that's how I roll. But he's paid for. I don't want to have to put him down, but I have to. I've been trying for two damn months to find the balance between a great car and an affordable monthly bill. And I did find one a few weeks ago. A 2007 Saturn ION with low mileage and great options. Mint condition. I have a car crush on Saturns ok ... I talked them down a great chunk, put the deposit down two Fridays ago, applied for the financing, and requested the Carproof report .... you know, the report that tells you the car you love has been in three accidents and will probably have frame damage. That report. That blasted fucking report. Blasted fucking car ..... Because the dealership already had my deposit and my approved financing, I decided to test drive the 2005 dark red Pontiac G6 on their lot. And I fell in love. Hard. With Ruby Two.
I had to have her. I told them to throw some numbers together, give me a call, and I'd come pick her up. Well .... the numbers they threw together were too high for a 5 year old car, even though she had no previous accidents, was very well maintained, and had everything I wanted in a car, I had to walk away. Actually ... my plan was to pretend to walk away, then hesitantly accept when they called me back to tell me they'd lower the price just for moi. I received no such call .... just an e-mail from the sales guy telling me his sob story about how he works on commission, wont make a penny if he gets me the car at a lower cost, blah blah fucking blah. Go back to school then MORON!  He tries one more time to get me to pay $16,200 over the course of five years for an already six year old car ... tells me that I wont find a car in such good condition with such low mileage for the price I want ... yeah, you think so do ya? It might take awhile, I may end up stranded on the way to soccer with a car full of teenagers, but I'll find the car I want for the payments I want. Period. No used car salesman with rotten teeth or a bad english accent or a smoking hot body or one that makes racially unacceptable comments or asks how easy it is to meet men in oil and gas is going to get me down .... aint nothing gonna break my stride .... oh no, I've got to keep on moving .... Too far? Sorry about that ... that would have officially mortified most people who know and love me.

So there it is, my car story.


  1. I love that song. I will have it in my head all day now.
    Wow. That's a lot of cars!

    Nice to meet you.

  2. I hate cars!!!! I am lucky I have only had one break down but I still hate them! They are just money pits!

  3. It seems to me that you always make a car payment ... whether to a finance company or a mechanic! Wish I could just live without one!

  4. Now THAT is one heck of a TST...LOL

    Hope it helped to get it off your chest.... :o)

  5. Cars... about as reliable as a (A) Man... (B) woman (C)_____________ (your answer here)

    Ive never had that many 'good' car stories...


  6. My first car was a Pinto. My dad told me if it looked like anyone was going to run into me, to just step on the gas and get the hell out of the way, so I didn't die in a fiery explosion. Yes, I am serious.

    Thanks for stopping by my LOL feature yesterday and leaving me such a nicey nice comment!

  7. Oh my gosh... I am so sorry about all your car troubles! I thought I had it bad getting in a car accident 20 minutes after I got my license...

    Though I am REALLY happy you guys were okay in that accident... those are scary! Hope you find a great deal - and don't let any slimy dealers push you around!

    Thanks for linking up :)

  8. replied Matthew, getting nervous. Its the bottom of the ninth and still all to play for.
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    replied Matthew, getting nervous. Its the bottom of the ninth and still all to play for.