Friday, January 22, 2010

I have powers of invisibility

Hormonal? Possibly. I do I feel uber-fat (see my Letter of Intent today) and I can feel my ovaries twisting or some shit ... but mostly, I'm insulted. And not just because of this one incident today (I'll get to that later ...), but because in my life, I feel like I've been over-looked. I can't think of any other way to put it. I don't feel ignored, as in "I'm an annoying freak so when I talk or snort people choose to ignore me". I think I'm simply forgotten about. Over all, I think I'm a well-liked person. I think this because of the relationships I do have and am able to make, because I have always received great reviews at work that pretty much say "stacy rocks" "she da bomb" "should receive a 50% raise and bonus this quarter" .. you know, stuff like that ... and because I've never been gossiped about where it has come back to me (besides the time I was standing at my locker when a twat girl came up to me and told me that a rumor was going around the school that I was pregnant ...), but even then, it wasn't malicious. It wasn't rumor, ha. Australia was born 5 months later ... exactly 6 days after school let out for summer break. Good timing hey? Ok, so I was picked on in junior high BIG TIME and I have had people tell me after they get to know me that they used to think I was a snobby bitch, but I've never got the impression from people that I am now close to that they don't like me. Ever. And I'm really not a daft person. So what is it about me that makes me so easy to forget about? It's been suggested to me that maybe I am a low maintenance person. Ok, I can get on board with that. As a people pleaser, I guess I'm low maintenance. Which may also be why I've found myself in situations where I'm literally the doormat. And really, how much attention do you pay to your doormat anyway? I think I've made my own point ... However, with some of these incidences I'm referring to, there's no doormat-affect to them. I am literally RIGHT THERE. And I'm not a hard person to miss. I'm not bone thin there by making it easy to mistake me for a coat rack. I don't wear neutral colours to blend in with the walls. I have a ginormous ass and a belly that jiggles long after I quit walking. Seriously, not hard to miss. So how does this happen? Why was I not included in a birthday celebration at Harvey's (yes, I flipped burgers for 3 months as a young mom) when there were three of us on the same shift with birthdays that landed during May long weekend? We were all working that day. We all knew it was all of our birthdays because we talked about it together a few days before. So why did the other 2 get a card each and have their name written on the cake and not me? And when I was a financial accountant at my first real job and the VP invited ALL the financial accountants out for lunch, why was I not invited? As entertaining as it was to see the looks on all their faces and listen to them stammering and putting their foot in their mouths when they returned to office and realized that I had been left out, it still sucked. Seriously guys, I can go on and on and on ... (remember this blog of mine? See ... forgotten!) As the years go on and I get older and wiser, I try to ignore all that bullshit. In my mind, I tell myself "well fuck them, their loss". But I didn't feel like saying "fuck them" this time, partly because I didn't know who I was saying it to this time, and partly because I was actually hurt today. Again, maybe it's just my hormones, but today really bothered me. I was left out of my bcwf's birthday lunch. And by bcwf (best co-worker friend), I mean BEST co-worker friend. The person who I have been smoking with 3 times a day for 3 years ... minus the handful of times she's tried to quit where I was very supportive and never tried to make her start again. The person who I've been swapping stories with .. about life, sex, work, sex, money, kids, relationships, sex, vacations, family, bitches, and sex for 3 years. The person who's office I stood in with flowers in my hand and tears in my eyes because she had just put her 18 year old cat to sleep. The person who gave me a pat on the back for making out with someone I shouldn't have been in the parkade at work one night while she was up in the office making out with someone she should have been that same night at the same time. And we've made no secret that we're partners in crime, as thick as thieves. Everyone we've been working with for over 3 years knows we're like an old married couple. So yet again, I find myself asking, Why was I not invited? Anyone out there reading this that knows me worth a shit, fill me in ... because one of these days, I'm going to say "bitches" out loud when I'm "forgotten" ... then I'll really be looked down on. Probably more-so than the lady who accused someone in the office of stealing soil from her plant.

***2 hour later update: absolutely hormonal. Am bloaty, fat, sad, tired, hungry, and want to throw Australia through a wall. Hormonal. Good thing T-Bone is in the kitchen cooking dinner as we speak. I'm treating myself to him cooking me crab legs while I am on the computer. Later, I'm going to have a hot bath and let Cosmo teach me 99 new sex moves***

***And I got a text from my bcwf that wouldn't seem so sappy if I wasn't hormonal. She really is my best co-worker friend***

1 comment:

  1. I know the feeling well. I am the door matt to! People always for get that I am even around!

    I am a new follower and love reading your blog!