Monday, May 3, 2010

we are some sick mo-fo's

A friend asked me the other day if I wanted to get drunk with her on Saturday because she needed to blow off some steam. She didn't ask if I wanted to meet her for a drink or two, or hit a dance club for some shooters and cardio. She was looking to drink to get drunk. Period. And because I'm usually looking to blow off some steam and am that great of a friend, I said OK! Saturday afternoon, I hit the liquor store with T-Bone and went one step further with our preparations by stopping at the drug store for the "after-drinking" crap ... ya know - advil, gatorade, lube, the usual .... and we headed back to his place to have dinner and get the condo ready for company. My friend really hit the jackpot Saturday because not only was I on board with T-Bone and her husband to tie one on, but we snagged another three people lookin to get shit-faced. And That. We. Did. The sheer mess and number of bottles left the next morning looked like it was a party of at least 12 .. including an empty bottle of jager. And the empty bottle of lube.

Not really ... but I got a kick outta saying it ....

Anyway ..... Sunday went on, and bits of the night before were coming back ... actually still coming back for some ... I asked another friend today what she ended up buying when we took that cab to the store at 4am (because I found it humourous that I bought coffee cream and a turkey sandwhich wtf?) and her reply was, "we went to the store??!?" Atta girl ..... Now I'm not saying I was on an all-out black out (and probably wouldn't admit it if I was) but some things just needed a bit of coaxing if you will to get them from my memory bank. Like when I opened the browser on my blackberry yesterday afternoon and it was sitting on a google page that said "what is tossing the salad?" Um, scuse me? If I could get a screen shot of what my blackberry history page looks like, I'd show you so you'd know I'm not bullshitting ... but my google history goes a little something like this:

*image results for Zac Efron 
*can you orgasm from your ass
*eiffel towering
*adam lambert fever
*tossing the salad

Holy mother of god, what the fuck did we do? I then vaguely remembered a friend asking if any of us had been smacked on the forehead by a penis and that's when all hell broke loose. I bet you're wondering if the night had turned into a 7-person orgy ... well, sorry to disappoint, but I don't think it did. Then again, that would explain how we went through a full 150ml bottle of lube .... again, did not happen, still getting a kick out joking about it though. 

So to make a long story short, here's a recap of what I learned on Saturday night / Sunday morning while consuming large amounts of liquor:

~I get fuzzyheaded quicker when drinking than when I was younger
~I am really good at the dvd part of Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture
~I have a lowered tolerance to alcohol than when I was younger
~T-Bones condo board lady turns into a bitch when called late at night for a parking pass by someone who's slurring their words and giving her a piece of their mind about their stupid visitor parking hours
~Only red wine leaves a dark brown spot on light carpet, Boons leaves no spots at all
~I can not smoke tha wacky-tabaccy
~Tossing the salad is prison lingo and involves the back door and salad dressing
~6 potato chips on the floor will cover the entire living room if there are enough drunken people walking over them for 5 hours
~Advil and gatorade and greasy buffet breakfast cures ALL
~Eiffel towering involves three people doin the nasty and a high-five
~the amount of redbull in the glass should be higher than the shooter glass full of jager
~Zac Effron is hawt ... see ....

And for your listening pleasure, Adam Lamberts version of Fever ... so it's being sang by a dude to a dude ... what-the-hell-ever ...


  1. sounds like a good night and you were able to just let loose!

  2. Sounds like you had a great time!!!!!

  3. LMAO @ lube references...remind me to show up for your next party! LOL

  4. So the Gatorade and Advil really worked? I'm going to have to give it a try. 'Course it's been YEARS since I tied one on like that.


  6. OMG Y! What the F am I going to do for FIVE days?? Fine, I'll leave the lube at home ... but I just read a blog about discreet ways to get some on vacation ... and that's ALL I'm saying about that ....

  7. Sounds like a night in my 'hood. Glad you got to let loose for a night! And for the record, mentioning lube is ALWAYS funny!