Saturday, March 20, 2010

sofa king happy

Now this is what you call one of those moments where "very happy" or "fiddlesticks happy" just wont cut it. I am SO FA KING happy. I started this particular blog post over a week ago and it was basically about how my house is trying to kill me. Then I realized I've already written about everything I had typed out (sign that a mental breakdown is looming? or alzheimers?) almost two months ago. Seriously, I forgot a whole blog that I wrote. wft?

This is what I've been living with for months, my house being an absolute bitch:

This door knob did fell off before Christmas. And I did buy new knobs almost two months after it fell off. And they had been sitting just like so on the counter beside the door for .. oh ... 49 days! (note the set of blinds standing beside the door knobs ... that's a whole new level of proscrastination right there, I'll get to that another time ...)

I picked up the new cupboard handles at the same time, figured I'd put my own personal touch on my house because the original handles were all of a sudden ugly when I was standing in the middle of Home Depot with all sorts of shiny pretty handles around me. Those also sat in the package until almost two weeks ago. And I had taken the old ones off weeks before that.
Now, in my defense, I couldn't get that one old n ugly handle off because my loonie-store screw driver didn't have the right bit. Or to be more accurate, I thought I needed a drill. I even tried to buy myself a tiny girl drill, but you know what they charge for those tiny girl drills? A lot. Also, as I learnt yesterday, I didn't need a drill. And loonie store screw drivers suck. 

And this is how I've been doing laundry for-evah .... sorting with just a smidge of light that comes from other parts of the basement and a lighter to see how much soap & crap to use
Don't go assuming that the bulb was burnt out (seriously, I'm not that useless) ... at 4-energy-saving-dollars per bulb … it just better not have been burnt out. After a nice little tantrum I had when the light wasn't turning on after repeated attempts and the pull string was cutting through my skin, it was somehow ripped right out of the fixture and wouldn't turn on at all ... even when I got my big ass up on the counter to pull from the chain. Seriously, a pull string? Ins't that straight out of the olden days? 

There was also the towel rack has been hanging for dear life since I moved in ....

And the rest of the brass that I can no longer tolerate looking at. Not meaning to offend anyone who loves their brass, but after discovering Satin Nickle, I couldn't stomach the brass anymore....

Between all this stuff in the house (which also includes this mold problem in my garage because the builder was stoopid and put the drywall directly on the concrete without a split down the middle knowing that litres upon litres of snow would be chunking off the cars in the winter and when melted would need somewhere to go ...
That now looks likes this ...)

combined with the few days leading up to the arrival of my daughters monthly visitor, the time change, my house cleaners off for the week with the flu .. (great time to get sick .. on the week I need you .. how conveeeenient), and so many other things, I was ready to freak the fuck out. I called Time Wasted on Monday and told him that somebody better be willing to meet me half-way to take my kid for the weekend or I'd stop somewhere on highway, kick her in the ass, and wish her luck. But her visitor arrived and the sun came out, the birds sang, and I was left just standing there thinking "what the fuck was that?" So Thursday night came, I sent Sydnerella with her dad, told asked T-Bone to hit the road and I parked my ass on the couch. Then up to the computer. Then back to the couch. Then to bed. I felt so good that when my alarm went off at 5:15 friday morning, I turned it OFF. I didn't hit snooze. Just turned it right the hell off. At 9:30, I woke up, called work to let them know I'd be in soon and hopped in the shower. It was a thought provoking shower really. And as soon as I hopped out, I got back on the phone to work and told them I was taking the day off!!!! And I meant it! I had enough of this week, end of story. I hopped in the car to Tim Hortons for an extra large double-double and so began the best day I've had in a long long time. My cleaners even called and said they'd be here late yesterday afternoon. And my faux-husband was off work too, which meant he had all day to dedicate to me and my bitch of a house. So not only is my house smelling fresh and sparkly clean, this is what now marks the official end of 7 days of pure shite:

And while the cleaners were here and I had to leave, because I am a wee-bit ashamed that I pay someone to clean my house while claiming that I can't afford to fix this ...
And I decided I needed to buy these ...
They're my first pair of Hush Puppies and I spent more on them than I care to admit, but whatever. NOTHING was standing between me & my perfect day. And sometimes, any amount of money it takes to climb ut of a hole you've fallen so deep into is worth it. I had chinese food on my couch just like I had imagined I'd be doing last week at this time when I was ready to throw my kid to a pack of rabid dogs. I got to watch Oprah, some Judge Judy, and some poker. I fell asleep on the couch, woke up after 10, and am thoroughly enjoying the hell out of this weekend. No bra, no make up, no schedule, no kid, no man, no stress. I almost want to cancel my plans tonight just so I don't have to brush my teeth.


  1. That sounds like a wonderfully productive day. It's nice to hear you so relaxed.

  2. Ahahahaha!! Sorry it's been awhile since I visited. It's not just MY blog I ignore these days!!

    You and I are obviously twin sisters seperated at birth...Unfinished projects all OVER my house right down to the towel rack!!

  3. Oh my gosh - I am dying!

    I started laughing out loud when you said your cabinet pulls became ugly once you were at the store looking at new ones (that is how half of my wardrobe gets replaced, and actually why there is an entire bolt of fabric and new curtain rods in the back bedroom right now...).

    Then I KEPT laughing at the pictures (sorry - and I HATE those $4 bulbs with all of me), because my stupid $4 bulb is in the laundry room and I can't see anything until 5 minutes later when it decides to turn on and scare the bejeebies out of me.

    All the new pictures look awesome! I love it! Sometimes you just need that day off to recover from life's attack (I just took Friday off for the same reason)!

    Love all your new prettiness - have a great rest of the weekend!

  4. AWESOME! I'm happy that you had a happy day. I'm even more happy that you have booked your flight to TX and will be sharing a bed with me soon very very soon...but can we skip the youporn and kicking me out of the bed this year???

  5. By then I will have a new website to show you, but I promise to keep my clothes on and to let you sleep with me!