2 and a half reasons to blog today

 have two reasons for writing today. 

Reason 1a is to announce that I rode a bike yesterday! Not a bike that sits in front of the  TV. A real fucking bike with two wheels. A bike that when you pedal, you go places. Places like the 7/11 four blocks away where the cashiers eye you funny when you ask for the air hose but don't have collateral to leave because hot air hoses must be high demand in your neighbourhood. Then you wonder how dumb they feel when you bring the hose back and tell them the last person that used it must have pocketed the connector piece that hooks the damn hose up to the machine (collateral fail?) and the hose is now a useless piece of shit. The kinda bike that takes you a further two blocks to another gas station that doesn't tell you you need to pay for air until after you connect it to your tire thus letting all pre-existing air out. Charging for air?! Really? At that point, you realize you're 6 blocks away from home, have a flat tire, haven't been on a bike in 15 years and are left wondering how the fuck you got yourself into that situation. That kind of bike I mean. So I let the pakistani man working the gas station eye me up with an attmepted seduction for a second so I could get some free air. Then I felt like a whore. But I left with tires that weren't being smooshed into the pavement and rode another 30 minutes. I felt great, that hassle was worth it. Until this morning when I woke up with sore arms. Wtf?

Reason 1b is to talk about Date Night. I've been dating the T-Bone for almost 3 years. Don't even start with the questions on when we are moving into together, or getting married .. NEVAH. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And in 3 years, I have begged asked him to come to the comedy club with me more than a few times. It's one of my favorite things to do and "coincidentally" when occasions come up where I end up there, he ends up somewhere else. Well Saturday night, I trapped him. Big time. We had the night to ourselves and I had spent about an hour on the couch earlier in the day watching a hilarious guy on some stand-up show ... I got the itch. I wined and dined tha T-Bone then sprung the idea on him ... then I whined some more suggested we go to the comedy club. Just the two of us. It was either that or Bingo and I swear he was leaning towards Bingo. Really!? (I have a soft-spot for Bingo but he's a man dammit). But he caved and we drove all the way across the city with our bellies full of fabulous vietnamese food to watch some stand up comedy and laugh our asses off. I shit you NOT, we walk into the room that holds over 200 people, that has always been sold out every single fucking time I've been and there are literally 18 people in the club. 8 couples and 2 drunk girls in the front that ended up being half the entertainment for the night. The comedians were great, as always (see below for headliner), but I wanted him to see the act at it's best. But whatever. We were long overdue for a date night and I got laid and spooned when we got home, so it was pretty much win win for me. And that's really all that matters. 

Part 2 of today's writings is to join Ian and others over at The Daily Dose of Reality for ......

Read me, then click on the button to go read him and others. Tis very good reading ....

1 - Ever take a shit in the woods?

Hell no!

2 - If you won $1,000, what's the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut?

Take it to the lucky lucky table to triple it, then to Vegas to triple it again. Then I'd buy a new car!

3 - What's your favorite phrase?

Are you fucking kidding me? (life and people tend to kid with me a lot and I like the F word)

4 - Fill in the blank - the world would be a better place if ______ left the planet.

Parvati! Oh, you said world? Well the world of Survivor would be a better place if her tribe voted her ass out. I want to stuff burning candles in my ears when I hear her talk.

5 - How do you take your coffee or tea?

(still lmao at Ian's answer ... )

double double or with lots of french vanilla cream ... what? me? trying to lose tons o weight?